Are you listening?

Are you listening?

I was at a meeting yesterday with a client meeting a potential customer. My client is a tech start-up run by graduate entrepreneurs. I took notes during meeting as I normally do and my client didn't. After the meeting when we sat to talk about it, it felt like the client and I had been in completely different meetings! It became apparent really quickly that had not really been listening to the potential customer at all but had been mentally somewhere else through the entire meeting. The end result was that I felt the meeting was positive with some prospective business and the start-up guy felt the opposite.

The question then becomes how do two people sit in the same meeting, hear the same things and end up with polar-opposites on the outcome of that meeting?

Learning to listen is a very powerful business skill. Understanding what your potential customers are asking for and what feedback your existing customers are giving you is pivotal. Here are some ideas and tips for changes you can make in the meeting environment that may help you get more from those meetings and avoid misunderstandings:

[1] Control the environment. Try and manage where the meeting takes place to reduce extraneous distraction or input. If your the kind of person that struggles to concentrate then don't accept meetings in crowded cafe's or restaurants - move the meeting to somewhere that's more conducive to a proper conversation.

[2] Pay attention! Sounds obvious but in the cold light of day its common to come out of a meeting not having heard most of what was said. It has to be a deliberate mental decision to listen in the first place.

[3] Show your listening.  Body language is 80% of how we communicate so use your body to show the other person you're listening and engaged with what they are saying. Nod occasionally, smile and use other facial expressions. Encourage the other person with small comments like "Interesting" or "Yes, of course" etc.

[4] Feedback. Periodically provide feedback to the other person so they can reflect. Its often useful for you to summarise what they have said so far - it clarifies everything for both parties. You can say "So what your saying so far is" or "Sounds like your saying" to create that reflection point.

[5] Don't prep. When someone is saying something and early on they say something you don't like or agree with its easy to start rehearsing your rebuttal to the point whilst the other person is still talking. Try not to do this, it really does limit your ability to hear the rest of what's being said and therefore your overall understanding of the conversation.

[6] Stay relevant. If the conversation wanders around a number of subject, some of which are not the reason your there then be polite and bring the conversation back to the topic. If your not interested in the small talk then you will disconnect, so try and keep on topic and relevant - it will make it easier to focus.

[7] Appropriate.  Its right to be candid and open in meetings. If you have a different opinion to the other person then asset it but respectfully. Business is about relationships and the best business thrive on relationships. Its a long term strategy that will pay you back in spades.

Summary

It takes a concious decision and determination to be an active listener. Old habits die hard, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to do in the offing.

Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviours and concentrate on the message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!